Making Time for Your Children: The Importance

These days, time is an uncommon commodity. People seem to have money, but barely any time. Parents are first busy making their careers, and then in stepping up the corporate ladders, and then maintaining their status. They barely have time for themselves or for their kids. This is an era when people decide against having children because they feel that cannot spare time for the child. Good. But when you have kids, ensure to make time for them!

As parents you feel the need to work very hard to provide for your children. You want to make sure that the kids not only have the necessities, but also things and comforts you didn’t have when you were children. There is nothing wrong with that. But, you need to know that the children actually look forward to spending time with you, talking you about their school activities, their ambitions and desires, discussing their problems and seeking your advice.  On the other hand, most parents feel that spending time with the child while eating or watching TV together is enough. However, quality time involves more than just an hour a day of sitting side by side—it does not allow time or communication for in-depth bonding.

Bonding time is the time where you as a parent can show your child things, do fun activities, school-work, and even discuss about values. Going to a park, gaming centre, movie, or to eat out does not essentially create bonding time. True, but spending quality time with a child doesn’t need to cost a lot of money. Some of the best quality time can be spent doing regular, day-to-day activities, with your full attention. It is less important what you do for your kids, it’s more important that you do it together.

Why is this bonding time important?

Bonding is all about unconditional love for your children which develops an emotional connection between you and them. The way you treat and behave with your children establishes a sense of security, comfort and closeness between the two of you.  Kids sense a feeling of comfort and safety with parents who are ready to sit and listen to them. Then, they feel comfortable sharing all their problems and issues with you—their parents—who they grow to believe and trust. This sense of trust and security is really very important.

When a child does not get to spend time with their parents, they constantly get mixed signals regarding right and wrong. What the maid or the babysitter may consider to be right might be wrong for you. Hence, there will be a substantial difference between your values and the values of your kids. Hence, you have to make an effort to spend time with your kids, talk to them, ensure that they get the right values from you so that you both can later communicate at the same level.

When the kids are in their pre-teens or teens, most of the time, parents feel that kids have grown up and no longer require the time or attention they required as a child. This is a wrong notion. The adolescents actually need your undivided attention. This is the time when they are confused, have low self esteem, and unstable confidence. Hence, you should do your best to be available when your teen-aged children express a desire to talk to you or spend time with you.

By telling a child (irrespective of the age) you love them, you can foster their confidence and perception of themselves. Give frequent, but heart-felt compliments or positive feedback. By listening and being supportive of their ideas, even if you don’t agree, makes them feel as if they can come to you with their problems. They feel comfortable in discussing their true feelings and their greatest problems with you. Such kids cannot be blackmailed by the others because these kids know they can share their problems with their parents.

 A good relationship with your children, based on quality time versus quantity time, on a regular basis serves a variety of purposes.

  • It establishes a secure and emotional attachment between you and the children. It helps the child-parent relationship to grow and blossom.
  • It helps in the growth and development of self-esteem, confidence, and maturity in the children.
  • The feeling of how important they are to you is reinforced time and again. The children will not find the need to throw tantrums for attention. Children who do not get the attention they want from you often misbehave because they are assured of being noticed.
  • It helps children reach their potential and grown into well-adjusted and confident adults.
  • When they need attention or help, the children know they can get it from you. So, they don’t have to look for it from wrong people at wrong places.
  • They will be confident in their relationship with you, which in turn will give them the confidence to go out into the world and build new and positive relationships.
  • Children who are raised in loving, nurturing, positive, and happy environments are likely to be well-adjusted, secure, and more confident than their counterparts.

Poor bonding results in poor communication which can create a sense of sadness, dissatisfaction, confusion, restlessness, and fear in the child. Poor communication with children can also lead to your children getting into dangerous activities like drinking alcohol, doing drugs, having unprotected sex and unhealthy relationships.

Hence, throw away your ego and unrealistic priorities in life and bond with your children instead of seeting them in a wrong path!!