Happy Mother’s Day

Rudyard Kipling truly said “God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.” But there are times I end up asking myself—Is it so? Am I as good a mother as my mother had been?

I know the answer. It’s NO!!!

However good or bad a mother is, people judge her based on how her child or children turn out to be. I don’t know how I have turned out to be, but I know that I had (yes past tense; my mom left for her heavenly abode about 17 years back) the most terrific mother. She tried to instill the best of human values in me. Thanks ma!

Starting from the nine month of carrying her children (my sister and me) in her womb, hours of painful labour, and after a harrowing number of years of raising us, baring with our numerous chilhood and teenage tantrums, she has been able to make us who we are today. A few words can not describe the amount of gratitude she deserves. I have thanked her for some things, appreciated her for a few others, but there are many little yet special things she did which “then” went unnoticed. I am able to see them now very clearly, but I can’t say anything to her because she is no longer around.

I am now a mother of an 18 year old, but still feel the loss of my mom every single day. There are times when I wish I could pick the phone and talk to her, hear her voice, share my problems, ask her for advice, and even enjoy the silence. I can summarize it as:

The grief is inexplicable
The loss feels unbearable
The bereavement seems never-ending
The lament seems to do nothing
The pain is strong and relentless
The hurt has rendered me helpless
The damage done is permanent
Your death was my life’s worst moment
I miss you mom
– Anonymous

About honoring our mothers, Adrian Rogers said: “Obey her when you are young, care for her when she is old and honor her at all times.” Not just the mothers, this is the way we can honor both our parents (mothers and fathers).

Let me end with: happy mother’s day to all the mothers…..

Gifts for My Daughter

To my princess with Love (Originally written in Jan 2005, rewritten on January 2010)
My daughter turned 13 in December 2009. I was wondering what to gift her? Video games, VCDs, books, games, etc. These are the things we give the kids every now and then. As I wondered what to do, I remembered my mother (who is now in her heavenly abode). When my daughter was born, mom told me time and again that the best gifts a parent can give a daughter are unconditional love, self confidence, respect, and moral support. At that moment it did not make much meaning to me as I felt that every parent do that. But as years went by, I realized the wisdom in my mothers words. It is easy to make the statement but very difficult to put it into practice.

1. During a party, which was held in the office premises, I showed my daughter, Soumya around and finally we went to my office. She looked around and gave me a hug and gave a kiss saying, “Oh mom, you have pinned this here have you?’’ I wondered what made her so happy and looked where she was looking at—the drawing she made when she was about 4 years old (a fish) and a photograph of hers below that. I don’t think I saw that kind of happiness in her eyes even when I gave her any expensive gift that she longed for. She was extremely happy to know that she was in my thoughts even in the place of my work and that an old and discarded artwork of hers had a place of its own in my office.

As parents, we can show the little gestures to our kids that make them feel loved.

2. Soumya has always loved going to school. Infact the first day at school (LKG),  when we collected her after the school hours, she told us that she had seen the children cry—and she wondered why. So, when one day, a few years back, she said that she did not want to go to school, I was surprised. She said that if she had to go, she would not wear the specs to school.

On asking her the reason why, she said that two boys in her school van teased her chasmis (In Hindi it translates to a person wearing spectacles). I had a heart to heart conversation with her and told her not to be affected by what the boys said. She wanted me to “scold” the guys, but I asked her to handle the situation on her own and told her what she should do. She felt sad that I did not sympathize with her. She was also angry with me for not helping her out.

After a few days she came back saying that the boys have stopped teasing her. It seems she told the boys, ’’So what’s new? I wear specs, so I am a chasmis!’’ and smiled it off. After a few efforts, the boys stopped teasing her!

We parents should teach our daughters to be confident and about facing the world confidently.

3. One evening my daughter said, “Mom, I want you to write a poem for me.” She wanted to give one for her school magazine. I reasoned with her that a poem written by me would be mine, not hers….and she reasoned with me that her class mates brought jokes and articles that their parents downloaded from the Internet.

I knew it was difficult to make her understand. So finally we decided to have a brainstorming session where in she was supposed to give me ideas and I would decide if I could write a poem for her. She went on and on and finally said, “Mamma, I want to write something about what I did from the time I was one year old till now.” So saying she came up with the prose and I later helped her rhyme some of the lines. There, a poem was ready, without much fuss.

When she got her school magazine, she thanked me for not writing a poem for her. She is proud of the fact that the poem was her idea and that she has written the draft. Now she proudly shows it off saying, “I came up with the idea, I wrote, and then mummy helped in completing it.” It is such a treat to see ones child proud of his/her own work (however small it is) isn’t it?

We should spend some time with our children, allow them to express their ideas, and HELP them translate their ideas into reality.

4. One evening, I was in a state of frenzy, I had a deadline the next day and had to finish off some work. Soumya was not keeping very well and so I could not devote the time I planned to complete the work from home at night. In the morning, my husband offered to stay at home that day, but Soumya was persistent that she wanted mama to be at home. So I decided to stay back and work from home (if possible). What can be more important than my little one?

Just as I hugged her and said that I would stay back and be with her, Soumya asked me to go to the office. According to her, daddy would be with her and take care of her just as I would. She then hugged me and whispered in my ears that my decision to stay back ensured that she was more important to me than anything else.

We should let the kids know that we love them and are there for them whenever they want us. Other things are secondary.

5. During 2003-2204, there were many incidents of child abuse (reported) that made life a nightmare for me. Even now, open the newspaper and we get to read of child abuse. It is so difficult to explain to a child to take care of themselves. But due to these incidents, i decided to talk to my daughter about the good and bad touch. She did not understand why I was telling her all that….

…. but in this era, I think this kind of awareness is the best gift we can give our daughters.