Importance of Saying Thank You

Take a minute and reflect upon how often you say thank you. Do you say thank you only to those you love, those you wish to impress, or those you feel are important? Or do you liberally sprinkle your daily interactions with these two golden words?

Before you answer think about how often have you felt upset or cross when someone else failed to thank you for your help? How often have you thought, “How rude of them! They could have at least said thank you.” Or, “After all that I did, that person did not even bother to say thank you.”

If you feel upset when someone does not thank you, you should understand how the others feel when you don’t do it either.  If you have the feeling of gratitude, go ahead and say it. Nothing should stop you saying those two words: Thank you. If it is ego that’s stopping you from saying so, drop the ego.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
— William Arthur Ward

thank-2Thank you is a ubiquitous phrase. But, it has something truly magical about it. It is very important, because it can mean so much, and can make a person feel valued. It shows your appreciation and conveys your gratitude.

But more importantly, thank you is a sign of respect to the person who has helped you or given you something. That is the reason why most of us feel hurt and let down when someone doesn’t thank us. It makes us feel let down, unappreciated, and probably, unloved.

There are three types of people:

  • People for whom expressing appreciation is a natural response. It is almost like a reflex reaction and so the others may see it as an empty ritual. Actually, it is their way of life. They are people who appreciate small things. They are also aware that a bit of kindness can change the day of another person.
  • The second type, unfortunately, are those who have difficulty displaying their gratitude. They remain mute, leaving the contributor feeling confused, perplexed, and under-appreciated.
  • The third type is the most selfish type. For these people, being polite is about putting on the see-how-good-I-am type of act. These people are typically polite to strangers but not with their own family. They act polite but only for some sort of reward or self-gratification. Also, who they will be polite to depend on what they want because they only want something for themselves.

If you search for the phrase “Saying Thank You” you can get many websites on the subject. It is pathetic that websites have to help people learn how to say thanks. This is probably the reason that even when we do get a thank you, it often almost seems like an afterthought. When thank you becomes a thoughtless auto-response, it loses the narrative of gratitude. The feel of appreciation comes from the tone, the body language, the eyes, the handshake, or the embrace. It’s a wholesome package!

Saying thank you is an everyday etiquette and a simple courtesy that takes just a moment. It costs nothing, not even effort. But it is also one of the most important ways in which we interact with others.  What you need to understand is: forgetting or neglecting to say thank you is outright rude. It upsets and annoys people, it also makes you look bad. However important or busy you are, you have to take the effort to thank people, however, small the thing they have done for you.

Remember, a small effort of appreciation and kindness can change the day of another person. For example, assume that you travel to the office in the morning in an auto or a cab. When stepping out say a thank you with a smile and mean it. This small effort makes the driver a little happier and he will be in a better mood than he currently is in. By making someone else feel important and appreciated, you have the power to brighten up someone’s day in the smallest of ways and that person is more likely to pass on that feeling to someone else. The two words have the strength to change a very bad day into a day of joy.

Many people thank for gifts, special favors, and for assistance in times of need. But it is not only these things where thank you matters. We also need to thank you when someone who holds the door for us, when the shopkeeper hands our change in the store when your child hugs you, or your partner cooks a meal for you. There is nothing wrong in making a person who values you, feel valued, loved, and appreciated.

In one of her TED talks, Dr. Laura Trice stresses about the power of saying thank you and reminds us why we should say it—and ask to hear it—more often. Dr. Trice emphasizes two major points:

  • Most of us really want to hear someone thank us for the things that we do, even if it is something that we are supposed to be doing. Being appreciated is one of those things that really motivates us, both at work and in life, so a little goes a long way if you can offer up a genuine thank you when it’s appropriate.
  • In our relationships, it is very important to make it clear when we want to be appreciated. Otherwise, we run the risk of never hearing it because the other people in our lives assume that they don’t need to say it. In other words, if you feel underappreciated, make it clear to the people in your life that you feel that way—anyone who actually cares about you will be more than willing to make sure that’s no longer the case.

In the corporate setup, acknowledging someone’s efforts with thanks is not only expected, but it is also an integral part of building goodwill. Taking an effort to thank employees, coworkers, peers, managers, supervisors, and customers can make a huge impact on a workplace. It is a small gesture that can mean so much. Showing a little gratitude in the office could be the simplest, yet most effective way to:

  • Increase performance
  • Boost morale
  • Increase job satisfaction
  • Promote a healthy culture

Treating co-workers with respect and appreciation is necessary for the workplace. Thanking a peer for his assistance shows appreciation — and will likely motivate him to help you again in the future. If someone takes time from his job to assist you or does an exemplary job, you should also take the time to notify his manager of your appreciation.

Though thank yous are well appreciated, many a time, a thank you mentioned verbally or via email may become routine. While email is easy, take time to send a handwritten thank-you card to your employee, supervisor, or co-worker. Those extra few moments will show you truly value whomever you are thanking in the workplace.

thank-1Since everyone you work with is often on the lookout for some sort recognition—there is really no excuse not to acknowledge the hard work someone put in or the help someone provided. The importance of the words thank you depends on how we feel when saying it and how it is perceived by the recipient.

When you thank someone, it should be a natural, positive, feel-good form of interaction to show you. It should not seem that you are forced to utter those two words. Practice saying thank you. Respond immediately until it becomes a habit.

Saying thank you is a simple task that practically requires no effort  So what are you waiting for? Thank someone today!

THANK YOU for reading this J

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Need vs Should

Need vs Should. Yes, it’s a bit confusing, but we can sort it out!

Should expresses advise: a suggestion, a recommendation.  It is weaker than must.

Examples:

  • We should select cars that are more fuel efficient.
  • We should use reusable bags when shopping

Must express a stronger point of view or opinion. It expresses necessity. It is used when you are compelled to do something.

Examples:

  • We must redesign engines to be more fuel efficient.
  • The grocery stores must provide reusable bags when shopping.

In short, both should and must are similar in meaning except that must is a much stronger word (in terms of necessity) as compared to should.

The sun is so bright today. I should put on my sunglasses.

The sun is so bright today. I need to put on my sunglasses.

What is the difference between the two statements? Both statements are correct, but the meaning is completely different.

  • When using should you express that it is advisable to wear glasses to protect your eyes.
  • When using the word need you are saying that the sun is too intense for you to bear it. So there is a requirement for you to wear sunglasses.

 

Gifts for My Daughter

Gifts for My Daughter.

Day 3: Innsbruck (not yet complete)

After a great lunch at an Indian restaurant, we set to explore the city of Innsbruck. Innsbruck, the capital of Tyrol, is spread out along the banks of the River Inn. With the charming meadows nestled against the snow-capped mountains, the city of Innsbruck is a beautiful sight.

Our orientation tour of Innsbruck included: Goldenes Dachl (Golden Roof), Hofkirsche, St. Anne’s Column, Stadtturm, Triumphpforte, and Helblinghaus.

How Safe am I?

This was written by my daughter when she was about 13 years old and blogged it when she was about 15….. I share her sentiments. Unfortunately, the concern is valid even now (she will be 17 in a few months)

soumyajp

How safe am I? People usually question them themselves about safety when they become big enough to be aware of problems around them. But unfortunately, this is a question a female may start to ask when in the womb of the mother, “Mother am I safe?” I am now almost 15 years old. Old? No!! I have been on this world only for 15 years now. All along my life so far I have never seen my parents lament that they have had a daughter. In fact they have always supported me in all the activities I wanted to do, been proud of me, and have motivated me to do better. I know that they are proud of my little achievements be it winning a dance competition in our society or winning the best speaker of the class at school, they are proud of all little things I…

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Why Do People Get Suicidal Feelings

Whenever I read about cases of suicides, especially by kids, teenagers, or celebrities, I have often wondered what must have prompted them to take such an extreme step of ending their lives.  What pain did the child or teenager have to undergo (apart from study problems, extreme discipline, or love related matter) to take this drastic step?

The recent news about the suicide by 25 year old actress Jiah Khan shocked me no end. She was one of those lucky actors who started her career at a very young age with Mr. Amitabh Bacchan. She was young, beautiful, had a head start in the film industry. Why did she end her life? News stated that she was depressed since some time as she had no acting assignments in hand. Later, a six-page letter found by her family, indicated that the Jiah may have committed suicide over a failed relationship. In the letter, Jiah accused her boyfriend of cheating on her. She stated: “If you’re reading this I might have already left or about to leave. I am broken inside.”

Broken inside. This is the major problem and culprit. A person who is broken inside, lives in depression. A person who lives in depression does not have the any positive thoughts a healthy person will have.  The unfortunate truth is that you may feel broken because of various problems in life—rejection, pain, loss of love/money/family, abuse, panic, failure (at work, studies, love, etc.), disciplinary issues, social/school problems, not allowed to do what you want, no freedom, no family/home support, etc. This mental imbalance will not allow you understand the options available to help you relieve your suffering.

Just as different substances have different boiling points, different people have different tolerance levels (breaking points). Some loose heart very fast where as some others have a more tolerant level. But ultimately we all are human beings. Once you go through the painful experiences, the heart breaks, and depression sets in. You may begin to believe that you are useless, unwanted, unloved, and unneeded. Faced with an unbearable situation, unsolvable difficulties, overpowering feelings of guilt, failures or conflicts, feeling of being unloved and unwanted, you may start to think that life has not done justice to you. So you are likely to feel alone, withdrawn, sad, depressed, and irritable.

Repeated painful experiences will make your distress seem unbearable. It can break you completely. It can lead you to blame people or yourself to the extent that you can no longer see why you should go on living. Death seems to be your only option. That is exactly what pushes you into committing suicide. From being broken inside to taking the decision of ending your life is indeed a painful journey.

It is understandable to be angry with people who have hurt you. If you have been badly hurt by someone close to you, you may be thinking of suicide as a way of getting back at them and making them feel guilty by your loss of life. But at that moment, what you don’t understand is that suicide turns that anger on yourself as you are thinking of destroying yourself and the people very close to you. The person who has hurt you will NOT be affected. If the person had to feel guilty he/she would have felt it after hurting you, when she/she realized that you were feeling hurt by their behaviour.  Why do you have to hurt yourself and the others (parents, siblings, friends, children, etc.) who love you very much. Why give all the importance to one person who is not even worthy of your attention. Why take away your life for that person?

Unfortunately, suicidal feelings can be terrifying. You are in the most vulnerable state of mind, and then, it is difficult to relate to others, let along thier feelings. Even if you have family and friends around, you may find it impossible to tell them how you feel—it could be because of guilt, shame, or simply because you feel that others will not understand you and will ridicule you.

What people need to know:

  • People commit suicide for a number of reasons. However, the majority of the people who take their lives suffer from acute depression, mental illness, and/or abuse problem at the time of their death.
  • Having said that, we also need to understand that all the people who think about suicide are not mentally sick. Most of them are fighting pain and depression. We can help such people with awareness, education, and treatment so that suicide does not become an option.
  • Most people who attempt/commit suicide don’t really want to die. They actually want to kill their pain and suffering—they want to put an to end to the pain and suffering. For such a person, the desire to stop suffering is more stronger than the desire to live. During the vulnaerable moment, suicide seems to be the only way to do it…at that moment, the person feels that there is no reason to continue living.
  • Chronic depression can lead to feelings of despair, loneliness, lovelessness,  hopelessness and helplessness.  Some people choose to express these desperate feelings by attempting suicide.
  • Never ignore a suicide attempt. It is a cry for help and is a warning that something is terribly wrong in their lives. Without intervention and proper treatment, a person who has attempted suicide is at greater risk of another attempt and possible suicide.

Want to Commit Suicide? Read this First

If you are feeling suicidal and are considering ending your life, I am glad that you are reading this page. If you are thinking about committing suicide, I assume that you are in pain, deeply troubled, in depression, heart -broken, feeling cheated, and in deepest despair. I will not stop you from doing what you want to do— I am not your spouse, parent, friend, relative, doctor, or your therapist. But is there any harm in sparing some time and reading this page?

The fact that you are still alive at this minute reading this means you are a little bit unsure about your decision to die. It means that even while you are thinking about dying, some part of you still wants to live on. That’s good news for us and the others. So hang on and read on….. you have nothing to lose. Finish reading, think about it for a few minutes, and then make your decision. In any case, your life is yours—so it is up to you to decide whether you want to live or die.

Intense PAIN! Intense mental, not physical pain, that is what you are feeling right now. This pain is probably caused because of one or more problem(s) in your life—rejection, death,  cheating, abuse, panic, failure (at work, studies, love, etc.), loss of money/work, disciplinary issues, social/school problems, not allowed to do what you want, no freedom, no family support, etc. Faced with an unbearable situation, unsolvable difficulties, overpowering feelings of failures/conflicts, feeling of being unloved and unwanted, you may start to think that life has not done justice to you.

You slowly start feeling that death is your only option. It comes from the feeling that your pain is so severe that there is nothing that you or anybody can do to help you overcome it. That is exactly what pushed you into contemplating suicide. Am I right?

Remember a few things:

  1. Is the person worth your life? It is understandable to be angry with the person who has hurt you. You are probably thinking of suicide as a way of getting back at the person and making the person feel the pain you are undergoing and make the person feel guilty by your loss of life.

But at this state of mind, what you don’t understand is that committing suicide turns that anger on yourself (as you are thinking of destroying yourself) and the people very close to you. The person who has hurt you will NOT be affected at all. If that person had any remote feeling of guilt, he/she would have felt it after hurting you and after seeing you in so much pain. He/she would have already asked for forgiveness.  Why take away your life for someone who does not respect you, love you or value you?

2.  Your life is important: You should know, you are unique and special. There are people who love you and care about you. There are people who emotionally depend on you. Don’t end your life for someone who does not respect you, love you, care for you, or want you. You now that you deserve  better.

    • Why do you give all the importance to that one person who is not even worthy of your attention.
    • Why make that person the centre of your life, especially when the person does not reciprocate your feeling? There is someone out there who will love you and respect you more.
    • Why take away your life for that person? After your death, he/she will continue his/her life as though this episode never happened.

Learn to accept misfortunes as challenges. That’s when you are able to recover fast.

3.  Why punish yourself and people who love you?  Why do you have to hurt yourself and the others (parents, siblings, friends, children, etc.) who love you very much?

    • In all your anger towards the person who hurt you, have you thought of your new and dear ones?
    • Have you spared a moment to think of the trauma they all have to go through when they find you dead.
    • Have you thought how negatively you will affect the lives of so many people who really love you?
    • Do you know that it hurts them to see you in pain and in distress, but it will hurt them even more to see you dead?

Damn it, I am a stranger and I care for your life. So, your parents, siblings, children, friends and/or relatives surely care for you even more. Don’t be so inconsiderate. When in depression and pain, the tendency is to try to reach out to the person who you love, but who does not reciprocate your feeling. This will not help. It will only worsen the situation. Instead try talking to your near and dear ones—the people who love you in return.

4.   Don’t make a decision in depression: Everybody knows that a depressed person does not have the same thoughts as a healthy person. The chemical imbalance does not allow you to understand the options available to help you relieve your suffering. When you are under depression, you lose the ability to imagine a normal and a happy future. You decide that you are going to spend an unhappy life in the future. So, you don’t feel the need to seek external help. When pain becomes unbearable, you feel that suicide is the only way to end the pain.

Wrong.  Since you are depressed and are not thinking normally, your decision is but an irrational choice. Depression is a treatable illness that can be managed—depending on the type of depression, the severity, and the age of the person being treated.

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”
—Khalil Gibran

In corporate work life, we often tell the juniors not to send out an email in a fit of anger or when upset about a situation. This is because when a person is angry or emotionally challenged he/she will not be able to think logically. The same applies here as well. Don’t make a decision when in depression, especially about your life.

5.  Feel the relief: You are thinking about suicide because you are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling and you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you are seeking so desperately, if you are dead.

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.” —Agatha Christie

I know it is easy to say this, but, be strong enough to walk away from someone or the situation that has hurt you. Be with your loved ones, overcome the grief, catch hold of your life once again and then walk past the person as though he/she never existed. Trust me you will feel so relieved and more than that so proud of yourself for having come out of the most difficult situation as a much more stronger person.

 I hope you see this before you kill yourself. And I hope you change your mind after you read this!