School Masters Speech

This is not an original article. It has been doing rounds in the Internet for a while now. I have used it here because this is a classic example as to why precision in language is inportant. precision involves using words accurately and consistently, defining terms, and ensuring the agreement between various sentence elements.

A Schoolmaster from a rural area in India was transferred to a school in Mumbai. He reported for duty just before 15th August and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly on Independence Day. His dynamite speech is presented here:

Laddies and Gentlemens, Contemporaries, and Childrens, This is my first maiden speech. If small small, little little mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but can’t do it for the following reason. Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket to me. I put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk.

At first she also rejected me. I then pressed her for long time and at last with great diffculty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible for getting birth of my son. We got independent because of great leaders like Gandhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth-rate and we shall halve it. Today we all halve our birth-rate. You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking or looking at your behind. Be like great Presidents Loosebelt. You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation. They became great by reading great books.

After we finish you here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A. and other decrease. Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or leacherers in college. The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one day will become great phools. If you have are in English, you can become teacher. I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God I am finished.”

Well, it is another thing that the entire article is a BIG mistake.