Emotional Abuse 7: Are You a Victim?

Are you depressed, sad, annoyed, anxious, and tired most of the time? Have you noticed changes in your eating or sleeping habits? Have you lost self-confidence and are unable to make decisions for yourself? If that is the case, chances are you are a victim of emotional abuse.

Here are some signs you will feel in an emotionally abusive relationship:

  1. Much as you want to, you avoid talking to your partner about a normal happening of the day—the tensions at work, your medical issues, problems with kids, renovation, purchases, etc, because you are not sure what reaction you might get.
  2. When you take an effort and talk to your spouse, he/she puts you down, asks you to shut up, or does not listen to you, and makes you feel stupid for the effort you put in.
  3. You make yourself available to your partner no matter what the personal cost, just to avoid a confrontation.
  4. You cringe at the thought of friends/family get together, because you are afraid he will criticize and humiliate you in front of your loved ones yet again.
  5. You start going into isolation. You want to avoid family reunions and meeting with friends because your partner is bound to say things to make you upset and unhappy. Any a tiems the spouse ends up convincing you that they are the ones who are abusive to you by not taking your side.
  6. You find yourself rushing to the defense of your spouse whenever anyone says negative about him/her in a conversation. You make excuses for their behavior regardless of the situation.
  7. You begin to believe that you are the crazy one or that that you are probably the one with the problem.
  8. When you or someone else talks about your accomplishment—-a promotion at work, or or something exciting, your partner sneers at you, putting you down, mocking your achievement rather than celebrating it.
  9. You feel helpless and trapped in the relationship.
  10. Your partner treats you like an object, like property, not like a person with real feelings.
  11. Your partner keeps a tight control his/her things, specially money and phone.
  12. If you fight back, your significant other blames you for the abusive behavior. “If you weren’t so dumb, I wouldn’t have to yell at you.”
  13. You’ve begun to see yourself as worthless — just like your partner tells you are.
  14. You will go out of your way to please your spouse, no matter how much you have to sacrifice. If that means staying up all night to scrub the floor or spending hours trying to cook an elaborate meal. It beats the emotion atyachar.
  15. You sometimes feel as though you deserve to be treated badly because had you been a better person, you wouldn’t make your spouse so mad.

They will help you identify if you are being emotionally abused, and provide some ideas on what you can do about it.

 What can you do about emotional abuse?

The priority is to get your self-esteem back on track is a priority. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. If we are willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, it is quite possible we treat ourselves the same way.

  •  Remember, no one ever deserves to be abused, specially not you.
  • Realize that it is a serious problem. It can be as bad or worse than physical abuse.
  • It can lead to physical abuse.
  • Take the issue of safety—your own and that of your children seriously. Such people are usually mentally unstable.
  • You are not to blame for your partner’s abusive behavior. That’s his or her problem. You are perfectly normal.
  • Don’t feel trapped in the relationship.
  • Learn to love and care for yourself.
  • Remove thoughts such as I am no good or I never do anything right” dominate your thought.
  • Increasing self-esteem and makes it more likely you will have healthy relationships.
  • Find people to talk to, who can understand and support you. Consider going for counseling. If possible, convince your spouse to go as well. Take the help of your near and dear ones.
  • Trust yourself and your own perceptions. Believe in your strengths.
  • Remember that you are not alone and help is available.
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