Causes of Lack of Communication: Part II

Continued from Causes of Lack of Communication: Part I

  • Birth of baby: When both a young couple become parents for the first time, they are overwhelmed with the sudden set of responsibilities showered on them. Hence, birth of the first baby can sometimes cause lapse of communication between the couple. The mother has to give more time to the baby and is always tried. The father has to spend time helping out at night, causing burnout during day time. As a result the couple barely get time or chance to sit and talk peacefully. They can, but it takes a little bit of flexibility, planning, and effort.When they talk there are more complaints, problems, and disagreements to talk about. They end up arguing over trivial issues such as what the baby needs and who will take on what responsibilities. When things get out of control they stop their communication altogether and become withdrawn. Again, I would like to add that maturity, understanding, and concern plays a big role in situations as this.
  • Lack of love: When you are no longer in love with your spouse, you probably are not interested in communicating as well. If you find yourself not in love with your partner, ask yourself what are the reasons. Is it because you have found someone else? If yes, it is probably time to move on rather than stay in a stale, unhappy, and troubling relationship. If not, try to find the love that you two once shared. Give it a chance rather than walking away from it.
  • Ego: Ego sprouts problems and arguments between spouses. This in turn affects the communication between them. When the lines of communication fail, both you and your partner will stop discussing about your mutual or personal issues.  Learn to accept each other’s opinions and focus on the similarities that you two share when you argue.Some couples can sit in a room and not say a word to each other for hours—this is because they are grounded in the foundation of their love. But if you feel that the lack of constant conversation is hurting your relationship, take the initiative.Good and open communication is essential in the relationship of a husband and wife to ensure that both partners understand each other. So, whenever there is some problem in a marriage, it becomes important for the partners to communicate properly and should never choose the silent path, as it might lead the path towards the court.
  • Fear of anger: When there is a distrust and ego in a relationship, there is fear of dirty, angry verbal exchange. This is another factor that causes lack of direct communication. Most of the human beings back off from a fight because they fear it, causing lack of communication. The essential ingrediant of problem solving is open communication. But fear of anger or inacceptance may not allow you to do so. But you need to know that relationships can only exist only if you have the habit of resolving differences.
  • Nagging/embarrassing:Nagging and embarrassing are two different things. But then, both of them result in one thing—your spouse may not want to listen to you. From personal experience, I would like to say there will barely be any communication if you are always nagging and blaming your partner for everything wrong that happens. You should also ensure not to embarrass your spouse for the heck of doing it. As a result, they may not want to listen to you because they know what you are going to say and in which track your discussion is going to go.

Ram worked in a senior position in a well-known firm. He was good at his work, but apart from that he was disinterested in any other activities. On the other hand, Roshini, his wife, who also worked in a good position in an organization, had diverse hobbies. She was a voracious reader, an excellent cook, a good painter, and a wonderful dancer. Roshini not only balanced her work life and personal life very well, but also took care of her son’s studies herself.Every one appreciated her talent and some women also named her to be their role model.

Ram was jealous of his the appreciation his wife enjoyed. Since he was not interested in actually doing anything to gain some appreciation himself, he started taunting and embarrassing Roshini in the presence of their friends. Ram would say things like, “Roshini is so busy that she gets time to have bath only once a week.”

Things reached to such a level that Ram actually began enjoying the insults he showered on Roshini. He felt good about it. He started displaying this behavior even without an audience. Ram does not realize that by insulting his wife in public, he was displaying his upbringing, his behavior, and his character (or lack of it) in public.  On the other hand, Roshini initially ignored this behavior, but when it reached a point when the topic of discussion reached a personal level she began to resent it. She initially asked Ram to stop such talks. When he did not, and stated doing it frequently, she slowly stopped communicating with Ram.

This case is basically about respecting your spouse. Here Ram is disrespecting your spouse because he is unsure about himself and is incapable.  Roshini had a valid reason to disrespect Ram. He has been displaying and showing all the behavior to earn disrespect. Be true to yourself, does nagging/ embarrassing really help you other than feed your already bloated ego?Before you start looking out for defects in your partner, you must first take a stock yourself. You have problems, issues, and drawbacks just like everyone else does. Your relationships will go far if you will stop pointing out the minor and insignificant things about your spouse, especially in front of friends and relatives.

  • Distance: Distance results in lack of communication and eventually total breakdown of communication. This happens when you don’t live together for a long time. If your partner has to live somewhere else due to work factors, make sure you two talk on a regular basis and meet often. Never let distance come in the way of your love. Though long distant relationships are hard to manage, stick with it no matter what happens. Once you have a made a decision, stick by it and try to make it work.

 You may presume silence as dignity and being in control. But, silence is the killer of a relationship. Infact, it does not even allow a relationship to be formed. So it is very important to know the cause of lack of communication and try to fix it. No, if a person is not interested in accepting that is a problem in him/her and does not want to fix the problem, it is an another issue altogether.

Like any good thing in life you need to work on all the aspects of a relationship to make it work. It is not easy, but if you need to do it, not for the others, but for you.

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6 Responses

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  3. I learnt a lot from you guys. Thanks for this discussion.

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