No Respect in Marriage

You can respect a person you don’t love, but unfortunately, you can’t love a person you don’t respect. So, respect is the first and foremost ingredient to a thriving and everlasting marriage. Respect is the catalyst for all beautiful things in a relationship. Respect also enhances trust, connection, affection, care, and love. Unfortunately, respect in all its simplicity is easily overlooked, leading to criticism, disrespect, and all the ugliness in the relationship.

When one partner consistently feels dismissed, rejected, and condescended to, you need to realize that something is wrong. Most of the time, the partners do not communicate the problems and you end up wondering why the other person is behaving strangely. If your partner mentions the problems don’t dismiss it or don’t laugh at it. Try to mend those issues. Your partner is talking to you sharing the problem with you because he/she thinks you care and will do something about it.

Ridiculing will break that trust. Breaking that trust in a negative manner will break the respect. Without respect, there will be no love. Without respect, there can be no relationship. When there is no love, respect, or a strong relationship, the partner will not risk sharing their problems with you.

Without care and attention, every relationship can slip into disengagement and subsequent loss of respect. It is easy to ignore the positive traits of your partner and failing to cultivate them cultivating them. Maintaining respect and appreciation for your mate will be one of the best investments you will make in your marriage. 

Rani had positive dreams about her marriage, an arranged marriage. She dreamt of a loving, caring, and supporting husband. She looked forward to knowing her husband, his likes and dislikes, and properly take on her new responsibilities. In the first few months of her wedding, Rani was surprised and pained to see that Kunal, her husband did not leave a single opportunity to insult her, especially in front of his friends and relatives.

Rani requested Kunal not to make her a butt of his jokes and told him that it hurt her a lot. Instead of understanding Rani’s feeling and respecting the fact that she made a request instead of arguing with him, Kunal promptly replied that she was being extra sensitive and that she should learn to take the jokes to her stride.

 Kunal should have spent time getting to know his wife better, communicating with her and giving her the support she needed. This would have helped Kunal in earning Rani’s love, affection, trust, and respect. Instead, he himself was responsible for not letting that process happen at all. Inspite to Rani’s repeated request he was not ready to stop insulting her. Unfortunately, he was also not ready to understand that Rani could not respect him because of this behavior of his. Kunal’s argument was since he is THE husband, he deserves Rani’s respect. Does he?

Just like other factors respect is a two-way process—you get respect only if you respect others. Respect begets respect. You should also be able to command the respect. That is, just respecting the other’s and their feelings is not enough, you should earn the respect and then retain it as well. You don’t want to have to ask for it, respect is something that should come naturally.

There are signs for recognizing disrespect in a marriage—you just feel it or you don’t. So if during the courtship, you feel that you think that you are not getting the respect from your to-be partner, don’t make any kind of commitment even if you love that person. Respect manifests itself in many ways. It is in the little things your partner says casually and the little gestures that will tell whether or not he/she respects you.

Does your partner do the following:

  • Wash dirty linen in public too often/frequently?
  • Insult you in front of your kids?
  • Reveal intimate details about you or kids to his/her friends?
  • Ridicule you by saying he/she wishes you were not around?
  • Make fun of you in public?
  • Embarrass you in front of the others?
  • Make fun of you limitations in public?
  • Act as though you were not around when he/she is with friends?
  • Make all decisions on his/her own without asking you for yours, especially in matters that involve the family or the house?

[If your answer is YES, then there is a major problem]

  • Wish you on your birthday and anniversaries?
  • Appreciate your effort for doing something special for the family?
  • Go out of his/her way to please you and say things that make you feel good?
  • Occasionally  make you feel special, if not every time?
  • Recognize your positive and encourage you to do well?
  • Recognize your limitations and offer support to overcome it?
  • Show genuine respect for your parents and siblings?
  • Speak of you parents and siblings with love?

[If your answer is NO, then there is a major problem]

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