Bloated Ego

All humans come equipped with a certain level of ego. Even infants have ego. Healthy ego, also called self-esteem, is good for one’s well-being and necessary for any relationship. Unhealthy ego (over-blown ego or little ego) causes problems.

Partners with over-blown egos will only think of themselves and having their own needs met in  the relationship. A person with little ego or less self worth will give in to the other partner just to please them. Clash of egos spells D-O-O-M in a relationship. Partners can choose to let or not to let ego affect their married life. In a relationship, you must put ego aside and make the partner and the relationship the priority. Only then will love and respect increase ad flourish between you and your partner.

I remember my mom once said to me, to be able to truly love yourself and to truly be able to love someone else, you must drop your ego. If ego is too strong even in one person, then there is bound to be a lot of problems and issues in the relationship. It depends on the person how he or she wants to deal with the situation. The person has to take effort to understand the situation and  handle it accordingly. A little compromise is required. Else, there is really no point in being in a relationship.

Suraj is a manager in an IT company, married to Sandhya who also works in an IT company. On Sandhya’s first birthday after marriage, Suraj did not wish her. When Sandhya asked Suraj, he said that he never celebrated his birthday before and so he does not feel the need to wish someone else. Sandhya tried to change his attitude, but now, even after 15 years of marriage, he refuses to wish Sandhya or their teenage son on their birthdays!

Suraj had to be mature enough to realize that Sandhya is not “someone else” and that he is a married man. Instead of giving this bloody excuse, two words “Happy birthday” would have made Sandhya’s day instead of spoiling it.

  • Is Suraj’s behavior helping him in any way? NO
  • Does it give him happiness seeing the pain his son goes through when his father does not wish him? Probably
  • Does this behavior earn him a sense of importance from either his wife or son? Definitely not
  • Does this behavior earn him respect from either his wife or son? Definitely not
  • Does this strengthen their relationship? NO
  • Does this show him as “responsible” adult? NO
  • Do people admire him for this behavior? NO. They think there is something wrong with him.

Suraj’s ego does not allow him to agree that he is doing wrong and hence he keeps up with his behavior even though it causes pain to the others. This is what ego does to a person, then to the people around them, and to their relationship. Unfortunately, a highly egoistic person is so blinded that he/she cannot see beyond what they think and they feel that what they think is RIGHT!

If people constantly find problem in your behavior and you end up either defending yourself or not ready to listen, it means there IS a problem with you. You just need to step back, see the situation as an outsider. You will realize that all the problems will be solved if you keep aside your excess your ego, listen carefully to what’s really being said, and use it to correct and/or improve your behaviour.

This will also help in reducing fights between you and your partner. Allowing ego to come in between you and your loved ones, will only ruin your relationship and marriage. An egoistic person can never respect the emotions and feelings of his/her partner. This will hurt their partner’s feelings and eventually the affected partner’s love towards the egoistic person will diminish gradually.

Asking for apology does not mean that you were wrong or that the other person was right. It simply means that your relationship is more valuable to you than your ego!!

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