Bloated Ego

All humans come equipped with a certain level of ego. Even infants have an ego. A healthy ego, also called self-esteem, is necessary and is good for one’s well-being. On the other hand, an unhealthy ego (over-blown ego or little ego) causes problems.

Partners with over-blown egos will only think of themselves and have their own needs met in the relationship. A person with little ego or less self-worth will give in to the other partner just to please them. Clash of egos spells D-O-O-M in a relationship. You can choose to let or not let ego affect your married life. In a relationship, you must put ego aside and make the partner and the relationship the priority. Only then will love and respect increase ad flourish between you and your partner.

It is better to lose your ego to the one you love than to lose the one you love because of your ego.

I remember my mom once said to me, to be able to truly love yourself and to truly be able to love someone else, you must drop your ego. If ego is too strong even in one person, then there is bound to be a lot of problems and issues in the relationship. It depends on the person how he or she wants to deal with the situation. The person has to take an effort to understand the situation and handle it accordingly. A little compromise is required. Else, there is really no point in being in a relationship.

Suraj is a manager in an IT company, married to Sandhya who also works in an IT company. On Sandhya’s first birthday after marriage, Suraj did not wish her. When Sandhya asked Suraj, he said that he never celebrated his birthday before and so he does not feel the need to wish someone else. Sandhya tried to change his attitude, but now, even after 15 years of marriage, he refuses to wish Sandhya or their teenage son on their birthdays!

Suraj had to be mature enough to realize that he is a married man and a father. Sandhya and their son are not someone else. Instead of giving this bloody excuse, two words Happy birthday would have made Sandhya’s day instead of spoiling it. She would have loved and respected Suraj for respecting her feelings. The son would feel that he has a loving father! Actually, small gestures like these make a lot of difference in a relationship.

  • Is Suraj’s behavior helping him in any way? NO
  • Does it give him happiness seeing the pain his son goes through when his father does not wish him? Probably not
  • Does this behavior earn him a sense of importance from either his wife or son? Definitely not
  • Does this behavior earn him respect from either his wife or son? Definitely not
  • Does this strengthen their relationship? NO
  • Does this show him as a responsible adult? NO
  • Do people admire him for this behavior? NO 

Suraj’s ego does not allow him to agree that he is doing wrong and hence he keeps up with his behavior even though it causes pain to the others. This is what ego does to a person, then to the people around them, and to their relationship. Unfortunately, a highly egoistic person is so blinded that he/she cannot see beyond what they think and they feel that what they think is RIGHT!

If people constantly find the problem in your behavior and you constantly end up defending yourself, it means there IS a problem with you. You just need to step back and review the situation as an outsider. You will realize that all the problems will be solved if you keep aside your excess ego, listen carefully to what’s really being said, and use it to correct and/or improve your behavior.

This will also help in reducing fights between you and your partner. Allowing ego to come in between you and your loved ones, will only ruin your relationship and/or  marriage. An egoistic person can never respect the emotions and feelings of his/her partner. This will hurt their partner’s feelings. Eventually, the affected partner’s love towards the egoistic person will diminish gradually.

Asking for an apology does not mean that you were wrong or that the other person was right. Saying a thank you does not mean that you are not doing anything. Doing something that brings a smile on your partner’s face does not make you someone who is trying to please someone.

All these simply mean that your relationship is more valuable to you than your ego!!

No Commitment

Many married couples go separate ways citing irreconcilable differences as the reason! If you know the reason, you should be able to fix it. The most important reason why marriage does not work is lack of commitment and/or not marrying for the right reason.  If you have never seen an example of a healthy marriage, either in family or friendship circles, you will have a difficult time finding that for yourself. I am not a professional counselor, but I have observed human relations long enough to make some observations.

Commitment is the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, or a relationship. Demonstrating commitment requires a lot of determination, persistence and hard work. Wavering commitment is usually seen as no commitment at all. Genuine commitment stands the test of time. Just like other factors (communication, respect, etc.) commitment is a two-way process—others will commit to you only if you show a certain level of commitment— you get it only if you are willing to give it.

The fear of making permanent commitments can change the mutual love of husband and wife into two loves of self-two loves existing side by side until they end in separation. —Pope John Paul II

Commitment is a virtue which is missing from the marriages of today. People get into the constitution of marriage with an “open mind” as they call it—an open mind to move on and get along with their respective lives when they face even a small problem.  Earlier, people used to get married and take an oath to remain together and try to get the marriage working no matter what. They walked into a marriage with commitment in their minds. Hence, they put in an effort to get the marriage work and so it worked!!

Does this sound familiar:

I have been married for seven years and we have a son. My husband is no longer there for me—he never was. He hardly talks to me when he comes home from work. He never asks about my day, the things that interest me, or hurts me. He is disinterested in knowing my wellbeing as well. When I go to talk to him, he walks away. The only way I get him to hear something is by following him. Sometimes I have to raise my voice so that he hears what I say. After that, he comments about how loud I speak and cause an unhealthy environment at home.

He treats his friends better than he treats me. He spends more time with them, laughs, and enjoys with them. He has never done that with me, not even when we were newly married. He liked photography and I wanted to learn from him, but he said it is not my cup of tea. He loves cricket, so did I, but he preferred watching it only with his friends at their place or by inviting them home. As a result, I now hate cricket!   He does not respect who I am and what concerns me. In fact he looks for ways to ridicule me.

The only time he looked at me or said to words to me was when we got on the bed. Earlier, I submitted to his fancies thinking it will probably bring him closer to me. But over the years I have begun to hate this non-existing intimacy—it made me feel like a prostitute—he just walks away as though he does not know me!!

Earlier I thought that I needed to do something to make the relationship work, but what can I do when there is no positive response from the other side? Most importantly, it is taking a toll on my son’s emotional level. He has become a rebel and tells me how loving, respectful, and caring the other fathers are!! What should I do?

Here, the husband seems to have walked into the marriage with no sense of commitment. Unfortunately, a woman usually wants to feel the sense of belonging, which is one of the most desired states of the human relationship. You feel secure when you feel that you belong to somebody. Don’t mistake it to being owned. But this does not mean that only a man has no sense of commitment—some men are committed, and some are not. Similarly, some women are committed and some are not!!

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.— Tom Robbins

Commitment is the part of the relationship that provides safety and security, so couples can express their thoughts, feelings, and desires openly. The couples that were willing to make sacrifices within their relationships are more effective in solving their problems. This results in slower rates of deterioration in the relationship. When you are committed, you have the confidence that you will make it through the day-to-day challenges, tension, stress, and situations that is capable of tearing a marriage apart. Commitment offers couples a desire to sacrifice for each other. This takes forward their future together.

If you feel that there is a lack of commitment and hence closeness between you and your spouse, try to do the following. But a word of caution, this can happen only if both the partners want their to the relationship to work and work on it.

  1. Create a commitment statement. Try to include certain rules and boundaries that strengthen the marriage.
  2. Greet each other: Make it a point to greet each other every day—in the morning, when one goes out and comes back to the house. Saying a good morning, bye, welcome back home, good night, etc. is a good thing to start with.
  3. Adapt to physical greeting: When you greet make it a habit to give a hug or a kiss—these are physical gestures which also has a “feel good” factor. It is a special gesture to reinforce the commitment of spouses.
  4. Spend time together. Make time for each other. Spend both quality and quantity time together. Discuss work, political happenings, family issues, movies, books, etc. These are some things that you can start with. Try to spend time together, just the two of you without kids around you. This is a stepping stone towards strengthening and reinforcing the bonds of marriage.
  5. Do activities together: Do some activity (with or without kids)—watch a nice movie, visit friends, play some game, etc. This helps to promote connection in relationships. Doing activities on a daily basis can help a couple grow closer and strengthen understanding commitment.
  6. Talk about positive things: Spend some time talking about positive things that has happened in your life. Also, talk about hopes and dreams—something you are looking forward to. Talking about future-oriented reasons for committing to one another can renew desire preserve the relationship. This will strengthen the current commitment.
  7. Be friends with your spouse. Friendship is a commitment. So, start your relationship with friendship. Then, you don’t have to look out for people outside marriage to talk to and confide in. You have each other. Share your problems, discuss them, give/take suggestions. This improves trust and hence your commitment towards the relationship.
  8. Perform religious activities: In India, there is no lack of festivities or traditional rituals.  Take an effort to do Pooja or rituals together. Traditions are important in building meaning and significance in the marriage. It not only get the partners together but also helps in maintaining and passing traditional beliefs to the children.
  9. Do small acts of kindness: While it may be easy to take advantage of what your spouse gives for the benefit of the relationship, everyone desires to feel acknowledged. Doing a chore, bringing home a special gift, or sending a loving note are all simple but effective ways of showing respect and dedication to your spouse and the marriage.
  10. Make intimacy a positive time for connection. This ultimate expression of commitment should be a special time that both spouses can look forward to.

One important thing to remember is that if a problem creates havoc in your marriage or if you have done something to deeply hurt your partner, it is absolutely necessary to reaffirm your commitment. You have to sort out the issue immediately or ask for forgiveness. But that is not the only time when you should let your spouse know that you care for him/her.

Treat your spouse to random acts of attention on a regular basis. Whether you like it or not, it goes a long way in keeping those marital bonds tight. You don’t have to be ashamed or afraid to tell your spouse you are committed. Put your pride aside and let your spouse hear those words from you.

No Respect in Marriage

You can respect a person you don’t love, but unfortunately, you can’t love a person you don’t respect. So, respect is the first and foremost ingredient to a thriving and everlasting marriage. Respect is the catalyst for all beautiful things in a relationship. Respect also enhances trust, connection, affection, care, and love. Unfortunately, respect in all its simplicity is easily overlooked, leading to criticism, disrespect, and all the ugliness in the relationship.

When one partner consistently feels dismissed, rejected, and condescended to, you need to realize that something is wrong. Most of the time, the partners do not communicate the problems and you end up wondering why the other person is behaving strangely. If your partner mentions the problems don’t dismiss it or don’t laugh at it. Try to mend those issues. Your partner is talking to you sharing the problem with you because he/she thinks you care and will do something about it.

Ridiculing will break that trust. Breaking that trust in a negative manner will break the respect. Without respect, there will be no love. Without respect, there can be no relationship. When there is no love, respect, or a strong relationship, the partner will not risk sharing their problems with you.

Without care and attention, every relationship can slip into disengagement and subsequent loss of respect. It is easy to ignore the positive traits of your partner and failing to cultivate them cultivating them. Maintaining respect and appreciation for your mate will be one of the best investments you will make in your marriage.

Rani had positive dreams about her marriage, an arranged marriage. She dreamt of a loving, caring, and supporting husband. She looked forward to knowing her husband, his likes and dislikes, and properly take on her new responsibilities. In the first few months of her wedding, Rani was surprised and pained to see that Kunal, her husband did not leave a single opportunity to insult her, especially in front of his friends and relatives.

Rani requested Kunal not to make her a butt of his jokes and told him that it hurt her a lot. Instead of understanding Rani’s feeling and respecting the fact that she made a request instead of arguing with him, Kunal promptly replied that she was being extra sensitive and that she should learn to take the jokes to her stride.

 Kunal should have spent time getting to know his wife better, communicating with her and giving her the support she needed. This would have helped Kunal in earning Rani’s love, affection, trust, and respect. Instead, he himself was responsible for not letting that process happen at all. In spite to Rani’s repeated request he was not ready to stop insulting her. Unfortunately, he was also not ready to understand that Rani could not respect him because of this behavior of his. Kunal’s argument was since he is THE husband, he deserves Rani’s respect. Does he?

Just like other factors respect is a two-way process—you get respect only if you respect others. Respect begets respect. You should also be able to command the respect. That is, just respecting the other’s and their feelings is not enough, you should earn the respect and then retain it as well. You don’t want to have to ask for it, respect is something that should come naturally.

There are signs for recognizing disrespect in a marriage—you just feel it or you don’t. So if during the courtship, you feel that you think that you are not getting the respect from your to-be partner, don’t make any kind of commitment even if you love that person. Respect manifests itself in many ways. It is in the little things your partner says casually and the little gestures that will tell whether or not he/she respects you.

Does your partner do the following:

  • Wash dirty linen in public too often/frequently?
  • Insult you in front of your kids?
  • Reveal intimate details about you or kids to his/her friends?
  • Ridicule you by saying he/she wishes you were not around?
  • Make fun of you in public?
  • Embarrass you in front of the others?
  • Make fun of your limitations in public?
  • Act as though you were not around when he/she is with friends?
  • Make all decisions on his/her own without asking you for yours, especially in matters that involve the family or the house?

[If your answer is YES, then there is a major problem]

  • Wish you on your birthday and anniversaries?
  • Appreciate your effort for doing something special for the family?
  • Go out of his/her way to please you and say things that make you feel good?
  • Occasionally make you feel special, if not every time?
  • Recognize your positive and encourage you to do well?
  • Recognize your limitations and offer support to overcome it?
  • Show genuine respect for your parents and siblings?
  • Speak of your parents and siblings with love?

[If your answer is NO, then there is a major problem]

Why Marriages Fail?

Marriage is the strongest and the most sincere commitment you make in a relationship. Two people with completely different ideas, hobbies, and walks of life come together with the hope of spending the rest of their lives in each other’s company.

Living together means a lot of adjustment on a micro level that romantic books/movies and courtship period do not prepare you for. There is a lot adjustment when sharing a bedroom/bathroom/bed, eating habits, sleeping habits, varied friends, entertainment habits and type, work timing, commitment, in-laws, and the list goes on. Life can get very complicated when you have to adjust to all these new things.

In an Indian family, especially in an arranged marriage, the woman has to suddenly make so many adjustments. So having a happily functional marriage requires a lot of thought, effort, compromise, and hard work by both the spouses. The woman has to make the adjustments adapting to the new environment and changes.

The man has to make the adjustments by sharing things, time, and space with another person, that is, his wife. He also has to ensure that his wife feels comfortable, respected, and secure. This will make the wife feel safe with him. She slowly starts to trust her husband, then respect him for his support and help, and eventually fall in love with him. If the support, care, help, and respect from the husband is missing right from the start of the marriage, the basic foundation of the marriage just cannot be formed.

Hence, it is true to say that this tender relationship called marriage is a union of mind and soul, tied by flimsy strings of love, trust, respect, and intimacy. Even if one string snaps out, the relation can go for a toss. Unfortunately, even if you have a loving relationship now, there is no guarantee that it will last the test of time even in the near future.

A healthy marriage requires a lot of work and patience from both the spouses. However hard one spouse tries to make the marriage work, it will not if both the parties do not put in a similar effort. If you are the only person trying and making all the compromises, the relationship is really not worth it. In that case, it is true to say that your spouse is not worth all the effort you are taking. Small misunderstandings and innocent mistakes can soon build into a mountain and the relationship starts dying.

“Happy marriage begins when we marry the ones we love and blossom when we love the ones we marry.” Tom Mullen

Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. But the fact still remains that today, many marriages are just thriving on endurance. Hence, it is important to take heed of the marriage problem signs as soon as possible.

Some of the common issues are:

  1.  Marrying for the wrong reason
  2. No commitment:
  3. No respect for spouse:
  4. Bloated ego:
  5. Lack of communication
  6. Poor listening skills
  7. Excess Responsibilities
  8. I don’t care attitude (indifference)
  9. Taking each other for granted
  10. Lack of love and affection
  11. Lack of I­n­­t­i­mac­y­
  12. Still feeling “I, me, myself”
  13. Having unrealistic expectations
  14. Not fighting fairly
  15. Playing the blame game

A relationship can survive most things if both people involved in it are committed to the other person and act with respect toward the other. It helps to survive the death of parents, being childless, career changes, layoffs, further education, lack of finance, and/or lack of luxury.

People often feel that marriage brings security in a relationship. It is probably because marriage is registered, legalized. Usually, when there is a sense of security, people feel that there is no need to further work on it to improve it. The same happens with marriage as well.

Try to work on these issues and have a happy marriage. After all, you have one life and it is better if you enjoy your life and let the others enjoy their lives to the fullest!

Always Practice What You Preach

Like father, like son. You must have heard this phrase very often. It is very true that there is a tendency for children to grow up to be a lot like their parents. Physical attributes, looks, mannerisms, temperaments, and even habits can be alike. The two main factors that are responsible for these are the genes and the environment. Parents pass on the genes to the children. Hence, genes are the factors that can affect their physical traits and behavior (positively or negatively) to an extent. You can do nothing much to control the genetics part. But you surely can focus on the environment to make sure that your children grow up to be the best they can be. What you say and how you act, behave, and react and in their presence say a lot about what they would grow up to be. So you better watch out your own behavior.

We often talk about disciplining our children. But as parents, we should realize that before disciplining them, we should first discipline ourselves. “My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it.” said Clarence B. Kelland. This stands good for all the parents. Children learn a great deal about behavior and character by watching, observing, and following your behavior. Hence, don’t try to get them to follow the “do as I say, not as I do” approach. It will not work! Remember, kids may or may not listen to your words, but they always pay attention to your actions. Studies have shown that children who show disrespect to others usually have an adult role model at home—either you or your spouse, or both. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your children, think if that is how you want your children to behave when they are angry.

We are parents, but we are also human. We also make mistakes, but we should be quick learners and learn from others mistakes too. Most of the time our kids do not make a bad situation worse, it is us who do it. If we are good parents and want to set a good example, admit that you made a mistake—first to yourself and then to your children. Then try to set it right.  Agreed, it is not simple as you may think it to be. To achieve this means that you should be a person of strong character, with no trace of false ego. You can always tell your son to remain calm every time he feels like screaming and shouting when he sees some one, specially his younger sibling meddling with his gadgets. But controlling your own anger when he does something you don’t approve is a challenge that you should first take on. When your son sees you react in that particular situation, he will know that can do the same. When you expect him to remain calm, he might listen to you because he has seen you do that very often.

I clearly remember an incident which took place when my daughter was six. I had come back from office a bit too tired. There were a lot of things going on in my mind regarding work, a really tense situation. I was overseeing my daughter’s studies. In between she got up and started doing something else. I all my frustration, I screamed at her and told her that she was being irresponsible and said some things about good and disciplined approach. She looked at me, picked her books, and went to her room. In a while I calmed down and was upset with myself for my outburst and behaviour.

After about half an hour my little one came to me with a glass of water and asked me if I felt better? I felt so ashamed at that moment. I took the glass of water, took a few sips, hugged her and apologized to her. I said, “I think I am tired and I over reacted. I am sorry for my behavior.” Very calmly, she told me, “That’s ok mom, you usually get angry when you are tired and stressed. Today, you were probably too tired and very stressed out.”   

I told her that irrespective of what I felt, I should have controlled my feeling. I actually carried my professional burden into my house and spoiled the calmness there.  I told her that I should not have done it.

I have heard some parents say, “So what? I am the parent, I shall do what I want to, but you are still a child and have to behave like one.” What rubbish? There is no worse way to mislead your children and steer them into wrong behavior yourself. You can’t teach your sons to drink responsibly if they see a drunken dad who drinks anytime of the day saying that he gets alcohol out of his own money. How can you impart the lesson of calming down when you yourself scream and shot for trivial reasons? You cannot tell your kids to respect their elders when you are constantly picking fights with your in-laws. But accepting your mistake and apologizing for your misbehavior sets and example to your children and teaches them to do the same.

If you really want to see a positive change in your kid, then you first have to begin working on your own transformation. The characteristic of a role model is to practice what you preach and set an example for your kids. Sometimes, as parents we often make the mistake of not listening properly, jumping to conclusions, and making hasty decisions. Most of the time, our children suffer because of it. Think of the traits you wish to cultivate in your child—respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness. Exhibit these behavior yourself—express thanks, offer compliments, tell truth. Above all, treat your children the way you expect other people to treat you.

So in short, what should good parents do?

  • When you make a mistake:
    • Don’t lie about it.
    • Don’t ignore it like it didn’t happen.
    • Don’t cover it up.
    • Don’t justify saying that you are a parent.
  • Don’t throw a temper tantrum.
  • Take responsibility for your own actions.
  • Try to make amends for the wrong.
  • Maintain a calm respectful disposition.

When parenting, practice what you preach and the results will be a lot better.

Making Time for Your Children: Guidelines

Parents start bonding with their kids right from the time they know that they are going to have a baby. It becomes even stronger when they see the ultrasound images of the foetus and listen to the heartbeat. For the mother it becomes even stronger as the child grows in the womb for 9 months. The unknown bond is formed, but the actual bonding in the world has to take place. As you know, relationships of any type take care, time, and effort to develop. Bonding with your kids as they grow, also requires, time, effort, and care.

  • Unplug: When the kids want to talk to you put away all the devices—phones and laptops and give them undivided attention. Give them your full attention for a while and then you as you get into the groove of the talk, you can do some activities (depending on the seriousness of the topic of discussion). Pick up tasks that don’t require your concentration so that you can listen to your kids. Be open to conversation about what is happening in their lives. This is how you can have productive conversation with your kids—when they want to speak. They won’t be in a mood to speak when you are in a mood to listen.
  • Have a family meal together: Setting aside time to sit down as a family and share a meal is very important. You must heard the saying, “Family that eat together stay together stay together.” Family meals foster warmth, security and love, as well as feelings of belonging. It is also the perfect opportunity to teach your children appropriate table manners, meal etiquette, and social skills.Eliminate any distractions, such as the television, newspaper, or mobile so you can focus on having uninterrupted and some quality conversation.It may be difficult to always make it for dinner, but don’t let that stop you. Be creative. Maybe you can share breakfast and lunch on weekends instead. If you cannot make it for dinner, the family can have a special dessert time.
  • Turn off the TV: If you have your family meals (especially dinner) together, make it a habit to turn off the TV. You will be able to talk better and will allow you to focus on your meal and your conversation. Apart from distracting you, it also adds another level of noise and stress. Later, you may watch a particular show together. That will be an icing on the cake.
  • Watch TV with kids:  Make it a point to sit with the kids and watch TV along with them.  You will find that it far more enjoyable watching something which both you and your child can enjoy—laugh together, comment together, make fun together.  This is one of the easiest way to bond with the kids as they feel confident that even you can think at their level and can enjoy kiddies things. Then you can discuss the good and bad with your children.
  • Steal the Moments: You are busy. Your kids are busy. Your spouse is busy. All are busy. Most of the kids like talk with their parents, but there are some who have learnt that you are “always” busy and rather chat with someone else but you. So, you have to take advantage of opportunities to strike up a conversation with your children, even if you have to steal some moments to do it—in the car, before going to bed, while reading, while watching TV, during dinner, etc.
  • Reconnect during car drives: I have always observed that we have so many unexpected important conversations as we travel in the cocoon of our car. Even men who are usually quiet start talking. Use the car rides as a way to bond with the kids. Even if your kids are just chatting with each other, just listen to those little voices and enjoy them. You can sing silly songs, play oral word games, or just listen to them. The time in the car also offers a great chance to talk about various topics apart from studies—music, hobbies, friends, etc. Your children may not feel too comfortable sharing all of their thoughts during face-to-face conversation. When you are driving, you may find that your kids will never stop talking.
  • Limit kids activities: Learn to say no to over scheduling your child’s day. Limit to one after-school activity a day. Period. I know this restriction is much difficult for the parents than kids. You want your son to continue with the piano class, he really wants to continue with the cricket coaching, he is doing very well in tennis. How do you choose? All these activities build skills and give the children a sense of what they can do. But time spent with family gives them a sense of who they are.
  • Limit your activities:  As a parent, you too have your limits. Imagine this scenario. Working parents, the child comes back from school to an empty house. The parents come back home in the evening, but it is activity time for the kids and the mother (gym time). Mother is comes back home with the child. Dad is busy in some work related meeting. The mother wants to freshen up and get some rest while the child does his/her homework. Mother is happy, has her dinner at 8.00pm. The child has dinner at 9.00 pm. Dad does not eat before 10.30 pm.Simply put, you cannot be there for the child when you are busy with your activities.  The rituals that build a sense of closeness, bedtime stories, cuddles in front of the fire or a favorite TV show can’t happen when parents use the house as a stop-over place from work. Taking time for yourself and looking after your health is also important, but take care and effort to keep yourself free when your child is free and do activities when he/she is busy.
  • Do activities together: Instead of doing activities separately, do them together. Order for take home dinner, relax, enjoy good (read fun) food and do some activities or play games together. In this era where it is difficult to say a friend form a foe, it is good to have some sense of security and happiness at home. Remember, home and family is our fortress, our best protection from the outside tension.

Try to do a hobby with your child that you both can enjoy together. There is nothing better than spending time with your child doing something that you both love. It does not matter which hobby you sharepainting, reading, playing some games, etc. The real goal is to just have time to bond together.

  •  Schedule time for your children’s activities: You might not be interested in attending the school concert and watch a school play or dance sequences. You might in doing something else more important to you or more appealing to you. But remember, for your child, your presence in their school events, irrespective of whether they are participating in it or not, is more important than anything else.Actually, your presence demonstrates to them that they are important to you more than other things. Give it a thought, is your meeting really more important than the excitement and good will your child feels when they see you in the crowd? If you hurt your child by not attending such events just because you are not interested and don’t even feel upset about it, you are either a sadist or mentally sick. You should not wait for your child to ask you if you will be attending. Infact, you should confirm your attendance when you child tells you about the event. This builds a feeling of dependable trust in your child. Mark their events on your calendar and treat their events just as you would treat your important meetings.
  •  Involve your children for errands:  Make it a habit to take your children along when you run errands, or get grocery.While your kids might not always want to run errands, you can spend some great time shopping together. Involving them is such activities will build their self esteem, confidence and independence.
  • Access flexibility at work: If you have flexible working hours (as it is in most of the IT companies), try to start your work day earlier so you can get home around the time your child is back from school. Flexible schedules are a great way to make some quality time to be with your kids. In addition, if you have the work from home option, do that when required. Remember these options are given at work so that you can balance your work and professional life.

Book 7: Choosing the Right Career

Table of Contents of the Book: Choosing the Right Career


Some people instinctively know which career they want to go into. For many, the decision is not always so simple. Choosing a right career is not an easy job as many of you may think it to be. Many people think they know the right way to go about selecting an occupation, but they often wind choosing a career that is unsatisfying. When deciding which career you want to take up, it is important to take the time to think about what appeals to you, and decide which jobs fit in with your talents and strengths. Since you will be spending a major portion of you day at work, try to choose a career that will keep you stimulated and interested in the long term.

The book tries to demystify the misconception most of you may have about careers. It does not tell you how to look out for a career, instead it will help you do a self-introspection, make career assessment, and decide what is right for you. How? Check it out!

Chapter 1. Career Myths
Chapter 2. Making your Choice
Chapter 3. Career Assessment
Chapter 4. General Skills Sought by Employers
Chapter 5. Planning your Career
Chapter 6. Career Decision
Chapter 7. Career Choice
Chapter 8. Changing Jobs
Chapter 9. Searching Strategies
Chapter 10. Guidelines
Chapter 11. Coping with Stress
Chapter 12. Career Listing

Details for Purchasing the Book:
Published: 20th December 2009
Publisher: Himalaya Publishing House (October 2009)
Pages: 200
Cost Rs 125/-

Can purchase it by contacting their local offices at:

  • Delhi (011-23270392, 011-23278631)
  • Pune (020-244966333, 24496323)
  • Bangalore (080-22281541, 080-22385461)
  • Hyderabad (09848130433)
  • Chennai (044-28144004, 044-28144005)
  • Nagpur (0712-2721215)
  • Mumbai (022-23877178)

Also available at:

Book 6: The Art of Writing Effective Emails

Table of Contents of Book: The Art of Writing Effective Emails

The book aims to teach and enforce the basic rules of writing emails. Students are used to writing very informal emails following no punctuation or capitalization rules. They carry this habit to the organizations when they join and end up writing an email that doesn`t convey the message it is supposed to.

This book contains suggestions and guidelines about writing effective emails which will help you avoid any potential embarrassment at work. It also tells you what to do and what not to do when writing emails. Concentrating at small details, you may never have thought about, can do a lot of wonders. How? Check it out!

Chapter 1. An Overview

Chapter 2. Netiquette

Chapter 3. CCING Mails
Chapter 4. Write Subject Lines
Chapter 5. Email signature
Chapter 6. Email Productivity Tips
Chapter 7. Guidelines
Chapter 8. Email Program
Chapter 9. Emoticon Dictionary
Details for Purchasing the Book:

Publisher: Himalaya Publishing House (Dec 2009)
Pages: 100
Cost Rs 98/- for the paperback
Can purchase it by contacting their local offices at:
  • Delhi (011-23270392, 011-23278631)
  • Pune (020-244966333, 24496323)
  • Bangalore (080-22281541, 080-22385461)
  • Hyderabad (09848130433)
  • Chennai (044-28144004, 044-28144005)
  • Nagpur (0712-2721215)
  • Mumbai (022-23877178)
 Also available at:

Book 5: Interview Skills

Table of Contents of the Book: Interview Skills

Great interview skills are not developed overnight. They improve with time and correct application. People who consistently succeed at interviews are those who take the time to prepare their own answers rather than simply using answers they have read or heard elsewhere. Those answers should only act as a guideline and be a point of reference. It is important for you to know that the more you think about your answers and the more you practice them, the better you will become in answering the interview questions.

Whether you have recently passed out from college or you are an experienced professional, this book will show you how to prepare highly effective answers and how to deliver them in a confident manner while establishing a good rapport with interviewers. The book aims to make you aware of the realities of the interview process and help you in improving your interview skills. It discusses the myths regarding interview, common interview mistakes, different interviewing techniques and lots more.

This book contains suggestion and guidelines about attending and facing interviews. It also tells you what to do and what not to do during an interview. In addition to teaching you how to respond to popular interview questions, this book also tells you the need to establish rapport and trust during the course of the interview. How? Check it out!

Chapter 1. Interview: An Overview

Chapter 2. Interviewing Techniques

Chapter 3. Types of Interview

Chapter 4. Interview Myths

Chapter 5. Common Interview Mistakes

Chapter 6. Ten Steps to Getting Prepared

Chapter 7. Telephone Interviews

Chapter 8. A Dozen Tips for the Ceremony

Chapter 9. Building Rapport and Trust

Chapter 10. Negotiating THE Salary

Chapter 11. Do`S and Don`ts

Appendix A. Questions You May Be Asked

Appendix B. Answers to Common Questions

Appendix C. Interview Forms

Details for Purchasing the Book:

Published: 5th December 2009
Publisher: Himalaya Publishing House (October 2009)
Pages: 230
Cost Rs 150/-

Can purchase it by contacting their local offices at:

  • Delhi (011-23270392, 011-23278631)
  • Pune (020-244966333, 24496323)
  • Bangalore (080-22281541, 080-22385461)
  • Hyderabad (09848130433)
  • Chennai (044-28144004, 044-28144005)
  • Nagpur (0712-2721215)
  • Mumbai (022-23877178)Also available at:

Also available at:

Book 4: The Art of Writing a Resume

Table of Contents: The Art of Writing a Resume

There are many perceptions about writing resumes. Though there is no dearth of books on this subject, there is definitely a lack of good reference books written by people with industry experience those who actually review the resumes, conduct interviews, and select candidates. After interviewing and recruiting technical writers for many years, I have come to recognize quickly what impresses me and what does not, what makes me consider a candidate, what makes me call a candidate for an interview, and what immediately closes the door on the candidate. The information presented here is base on my experiences with resumes.

Chapter 1. Resume-What is it?

Chapter 2. Myths and Misconceptions

Chapter 3. Errors While Creating Resumes

Chapter 4. Formatting The Resume

Chapter 5. Contents of A Resume

Chapter 6. An Electronic Resume

Chapter 7. Cover Letter

Chapter 8. 25 Tips For Creating Resume

Chapter 9. Fudging Resume

Appendix A. Resume Questions

Appendix B. Action Verbs

Appendix C. Quick Summary

This book is different because it is the result of practical experience. Moreover, it does not directly start telling you how to create a workable resume. Instead, it will tell you:
  •  The purpose of the resume.
  • What it is and what it is not.
  • The commonly made errors while creating resumes.
  • The myths and the misconceptions associated with the resumes.
  • Some tips on creating usable, focussed, and impressive resumes.
  • How to create an impressive resume.
  • The importance of using action words.
It will make you think out of the box and will help you make a well thought about the decision before you start writing a resume. Once you understand the skills and characteristics that most employers seek, you can tailor your job search communication your resume, cover letter, and interview language to showcase how well your background aligns with their requirements.

Details for purchasing the Book:

 Publisher: Himalaya Publishing House (Feb2010)
Pages: 132
Cost Rs 92/-Can purchase it by contacting their local offices at:

  •  Delhi (011-23270392, 011-23278631)
  • Pune (020-244966333, 24496323)
  • Bangalore (080-22281541, 080-22385461)
  • Hyderabad (09848130433)
  • Chennai (044-28144004, 044-28144005)
  • Nagpur (0712-2721215)
  • Mumbai (022-23877178)
You can also buy it from: